What's right?

My Little Guy's First time in jeans

Looking back at my last post where I said " if I had done things right the first time...." well I've been thinking alot about that today. Maybe it is because I am tired, maybe it is because I am staying up to get homework done so that I can spend the day with my baby and not at the computer, that it got me thinking again "man, if I had only done this right the first time"... but really if I did where would I be? Certainly not in the shoes I am in today.

If I had stayed in high school, I would have possibly went to college straight out of high school. I could be done with my degree and teaching by now. Hell, I could have probably even payed off my student loans! I would have a job at a local school, health benefits, vacation and sick time. I would have more time to spend doing my own thing. More time with my son. But wait. ig I had taken that path, would I have even had my son.

I dropped out of high school. I spent my time sleeping all day and going to raves at night. This is where I met Rachel, who in turn introduced me to Sarrah. I was in need of a job at the time I met Sarrah, and when it came to it, she told me to come and apply at her work (APAC). I went and got my GED because you had to have one to work there. Three days after recieving my pass on the GED I got the Job at APAC. This is where I met Javier.

If I had not met javier I certainly would not have my son. I may have another little boy, or girl with someone else, and I am sure if that was what had happened I would lovethat baby either way. But it would not be my son. Cain. My baby. It would not be part of my love, Jav.

Every choice I have made in my life has brought me to where I am today. On nights like this when I am tired and wanting to sleep and doing homework so that I can start a career I probably should have started when I was 24, I can think to myself, "damn, why didn't I just do it then?" but then I look at what I have and I KNOW that I would not change what I have right now in this moment for anything in the world. I love my little family and this will pass, and we will make it. Together.

My Handsome boy